Believe it or not, sometimes I get in quiet moods when I do not like to talk. I know -- it is hard to believe – right? However, every once in a while it happens. For me, quiet is not a sign of depression or the blues. Usually, I get quiet because I am tired or I am in a place where I have a true fear about expressing my opinions. I know that sounds cowardly, but there are times when I opt to bite my tongue, so I can avoid pain, disfigurement or possible death. Yesterday afternoon was one of those days.
I started writing at 6 AM to get a jump on my work. I was sweating a writing deadline that was looming, and I was still short two interview sources. By the time noon rolled around, I was done in. I decided to take a break from the computer and headed to the salon to get my eyebrows waxed. You might think that this was an odd choice for a computer break, but, honestly, I had let too much time lapse since the last skin-ripping adventure. It’s not that I was sporting a uni-brow, but I was definitely getting a bit self-conscious walking around in public.
Anyway, my wax specialist, Kim, was chatting non-stop as she was preparing to spoon the hot wax on my eyelids. She was asking me questions, but I was giving her one-word answers, and it must have bugged her because she said,
“Are you mad at me?”
“No! Why would you ask that?” I responded with a genuine alarmed tone in my voice.
“You are so quiet today. You have not said anything about my new hair cut or asked about my baby or the salon.”
Wow, she felt neglected, and this was my fault. I guess she was used to me being interested in her life, and yesterday, she thought I was not interested, so I hurt her feelings. Trust me when I say the last person you want to piss off or hurt is the person who is pouring hot wax on any part of your body. The hot wax is not even the issue. It’s the ripping-off-the-hair-from-your-body-parts that become the issue if the person doing the ripping is feeling a sense of anger toward you.
“I am so sorry, please forgive me!” I begged aloud. “I am just tired; I swear! How is your son? Getting ready for pre-school?”
Those words seemed to relax Kim a bit, and the rest of the waxing session went without a hitch. After she tamed my brows, I paid my bill and left her a healthy tip just to make sure there were no hard feelings. As I drove off, I started to think about the close call I had with her, and I also realized that I do go out of my way with certain people to be extra nice, attentive and non-argumentative. There are certain people who I make sure never to ignore, contradict or yell at. Why? The answer is simple: each of these people possesses the potential to hurt me or my wallet. I do not think they would do it purposely, but who knows? Allow me to give you a peek at my “Never Piss Off “list.
· Kim – obviously my waxing specialist or technician is first on this cowardly list. With Kim, eyebrows are the least of my worries. I can always draw on new eyebrows with a pencil if she gets testy. It’s the bikini wax that might cause me more pain than I am willing to deal with. I already find bikini waxing embarrassing and loathsome, but I swim almost every day so it is sort of a necessity. Sometimes, when Kim is in a talkative mood, she starts opining on the situation in South Korea. I think it is South Korea, but I can’t be sure because she starts talking in her native tongue, and she loses me. She also becomes quite animated, and the wax flies around and I do not want to insult her, so I distract her with questions about her baby and business to keep her calm.
· My dentist is next on my list - I love my dentist, but he listens to political shows on the radio while he is working on me. I would prefer Mozart or something more tranquil, but he is the one holding the drill, so I let him be. When he hears a topic that fires him up, he asks me questions about it, and this usually occurs while he is inserting very sharp instruments in my mouth. So, this is a confession I am making here. If you asked my dentist my political views, he would say that they would mirror his exactly. I probably agree with maybe one-tenth of his political views, but while I am in that chair, I am his biggest supporter. Let’s face it: I am the definition of a captive audience with him, so I will temporarily adopt any political credo if it means I never have to hear the words “Root Canal”, “Periodontal surgery” or “Extraction”.
· My mechanic - I am not buying a new car for a while, so I am giving my mechanic as much love as possible. He can tell me that all mechanics are fair and true to their word and adhere to the highest of ethical standards, and I will swear under oath in court that what he says is true as long as he does not try to sell me car parts that I do not need because I do not know what they are or what they are used for! Until I take a course in automobile repair, I am truly at this person’s mercy. I can try and find a new mechanic, but the idea of trying out someone new is more frightening to me than dealing with what I have now.
· My gynecologist - I do not think I need to go into specifics here. You might be eating lunch. Let’s just say that my pap smear is not the time to have heated discussions on religion, global affairs, the AMA lobby, or – and I cannot stress this one enough -- health care reform.
Well, that is my short list. I know I have neglected to mention others who impact my life on a daily basis, and if you are one of my service providers that I have failed to mention, please do not get insulted or take it out on me next time I come in for an appointment. Believe me, there is always room to write about you later.